Guerilla Radio
Life is so freaking hard right now.
I’ve had issues with anxiety and depression for a long time - most of my life, if I’m being honest, and I’m not sure if I’ve ever really dealt with it in a healthy way. I bottle up and disassociate, falling into books when I was younger and alcohol now, and then lashing out or breaking down when those tamped down feelings refused to stay under the surface any longer.
The good news is that I’m getting help. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve upped my anti-depressants, and recently I took a big step towards sobriety by asking for a prescription for Naltrexone, which is used to treat alcohol use disorder. The bad news is that I need to do more, because it’s not just what’s going on in my own head that’s getting me down - it’s the state of the whole fucking country.
I was devastated by the results of the election. That’s not an overstatement. I was in prep for my first bodybuilding competition during the 2024 campaign, and I fully thought that Kamala was going to win. We all saw the insanity and absurdity of the first Trump administration, so there was no way he’d be elected again. Right? …right? And then he was, and I was so angry. It felt like I personally had been betrayed, and that I could no longer trust in the goodness of people because they had knowingly chosen hatred, violence, and discrimination. Maybe the first time people could be forgiven because they didn’t understand what the consequences would be, but this time they knew. When we lost the election, it felt like we’d lost everything, and there was no stopping the tide of fascism from rolling in.
There were three things that finally broke me out of my funk.
I saw a TikTok from Jamelle Bouie about how the administration wants everyone who isn’t on their side to think that they’ve already won, because their power is still precarious. We are definitely sliding into fascism, but we’re Not There Yet, and that’s important.
One Battle After Another. There are prescient movies, and then there are ones that feel downright prophetic. While Leonardo DiCaprio’s stoned former revolutionary Bob is at the center of the movie, the character that hit the hardest was Benicio Del Toro’s Sensei Sergio. The “Latino Harriet Tubman,” who comes through for Bob in a couple of key moments in the narrative, may be under attack, but he’s a beacon of hope and serenity in the otherwise chaotic landscape. He doesn’t throw bombs or plot to overthrow the government (at least as far as I can tell) - he simply gets down to the work of helping those that he can help, even if it means putting himself at risk.
3. I actually went out and protested. After months of inertia, feeling like nothing that I did mattered, I showed up at the local ICE detainment facility. I didn’t throw myself in front of the vans carrying detainees or get tear gassed or arrested, but I danced to the music that someone else was playing, and for the first time in a while I felt real joy.
I don’t know what’s next for Chicago, much less this country or this world. But I know that I’m not helpless, and even if my actions represent nothing more than a drop in the bucket, oceans are filled one drop at a time.
