I've never thought that much about weddings because I never thought I'd want to get married. Between the two of them, my parents were married seven times (not just to each other, if that's not clear), so I figured my bloodline was covered on the whole marriage thing for at least a couple of generations. I'm not a particularly traditional person either, so I never really saw the point in putting a ridiculous amount of time and effort, not to mention a buttload of cash, into some elaborate ceremony.
Oh, and just so there's no confusion, I'm not engaged. Yet, anyway. The dude and I have had some talks on the subject, and that's the direction we're moving in, but that's still a future thing. But now that I'm more marriage minded than I used to be, I've started doing that thing that people tell me little girls are supposed to do, where you plan out all of the details of the wedding that you're not having yet.
Brian, if you're reading this, no pressure, bro.
Wedding #1: Pyramid at the Louvre
Go big or go home, right?
Other bitches be like, "shouldn't you have a veil?" And I'm like, "Veil? I got a cage."
And who better to officiate? I'd take Ratzinger if Francis was busy, but only if he promised not to try to bring us over to Dark Side.
Reception to follow in front of the Mona Lisa. Bridesmaids: 12, all in matching silver dresses. Dress code: white tie.
Wedding #2: Casual Beach Wedding
This is a beach, right? And we can take our wedding photos on that Starship Enterprise looking bit that's sticking off the side.
Mermaid chic, no?
"I NOW PRONOUNCE YOU MAN AND WIFE. YOU MAY FISH THE BRIDE!!!!"
After the ceremony, the wedding party will adjourn to the Queen Mary 2 for a seafood dinner. Bridesmaids: 2, because they were the only ones that I could get to wear the seashell bras. Dress code: cabana appropriate.
Wedding #3: Antarctica
Assuming all of the ice hasn't melted by the time we get there.
Furry hoods and feathered capes. Even the polar bears will want to marry me.
Who wouldn't want an emperor to do the honors? And he's already dressed up.
The reception will be held inside a tauntaun. Bridesmaids: 1, and really she was just a polar bear who happened to be nearby. Dress code: business casual.
Wedding #4: The One that I Would Actually Want
The apple orchard at my boyfriend's parents' house.
Wearing vintage, of course. And tea length will show off the stupidly expensive shoes that I'm going to wear.
With my awesome friend Aidan, who is a Unitarian Universalist minister, reading the vows.
And with all the money we saved on venues and couture dresses, we could have an awesome party with good beer, good booze, good food, and a great band.
So, what's your dream wedding, and did you get it? Or are you like I used to be, and never want to get married?